Written by Claire Judd, Postnatal Therapist and Counsellor
It is completely normal to have some level of anxiety in postpartum. Remember, you’re new to this, this is a new baby and we’re naturally wired to be on high alert to protect our vulnerable baby. Having said that anxiety can escalate to a point where it has a negative impact on our daily lives. Maybe it stops you doing the things you love, perhaps it’s creating tension in the house, maybe you’re snapping at your partner or you’re absolutely exhausted as a result of it.
Whatever led you to read this blog, I want you to know that it can change. Which of course is the whole reason I’ve written this. After experiencing postnatal depression and anxiety myself, I didn’t even realise what was going on until my body just said no and I broke down. Based on that I invite you to just take a moment and realise how amazing it is that you’re struggling with this, worked out what might be going on and have prioritised yourself for long enough to read this. You are, quite simply, amazing.
So here we go...
How to Reduce Postpartum Anxiety
1.Notice your thoughts
Thought are just thoughts, though when we feel anxious they start to sound like facts which leads our brain to think something really bad is going to happen. When our brain thinks something bad is going to happen it signals to our whole nervous system to ‘get ready’ and that’s when we enter a fight, flight, freeze, fawn or flop state that exhausts us over time.
So when you have a thought, for example:
‘something bad is going to happen to my baby’
pause for a moment, notice that this is a thought and shift it to
‘I’m thinking that something bad is going to happen to my baby.’
The key thing here is that you’re not denying or ignoring your thought, you’re simply noticing that it is just a thought. This pause and shift allows our brain to understand that your baby isn’t in grave danger, you are having an anxious thought and makes that connection to the fight or flight response less likely.
2.Avoid ‘checking’
Based on the thought example above, perhaps you’re currently checking your baby for signs and symptoms? Maybe even googling them? Or perhaps you’re lying awake at night watching the monitor because you’re checking they’re breathing. It might be your own health that you’re checking, maybe with more frequent visits to the doctor?
Of course, you always want to make sure that your baby, and you, is safe. However if these habits mean you’re not yourself, you’re over tired and struggling with day to day life then something needs to change.
Doing this ‘checking’ keeps your brain in that fight or flight mode, it’s backing up the thoughts of ‘something bad is going to happen’ and it means you are constantly wired for action.
Instead consider what level of checking is helpful and what tips you over into anxiety. Perhaps talk to someone you trust for their perspective to help you gauge it.
3.Challenge your thoughts
Now you’ve noticed your thoughts are just thoughts and you’ve reduced your checking, start to challenge your thoughts. This means you might consider what you might think if a friend was in the same situation. Would you show her compassion? Would you suggest that although you know she’s worried, her baby is breathing, looks healthy and she’s doing a great job?
This is a really good way to gauge whether our thoughts are realistic (i.e. there really is something wrong) or if they are anxious thoughts that need to be challenged.
For me, this was something that took a while to get. I was worried that if I wasn’t acting on the anxious thoughts then I might miss something. It was like I couldn’t trust myself to get it right. I learnt the difference between an anxious thought and a reality based fact but it took time, so go easy on yourself, especially if you’ve been having these thoughts for a while, it can take a while to shift them.
4.Avoid avoidance behaviours
Let’s say you’re walking down the stairs with your baby and you have a sudden anxious and intrusive thought that you drop your baby down the stairs. You might start to avoid carrying your baby down stairs, asking a partner to do it instead. However this avoidance can make our anxiety worse because your brain will never that actually it’s okay, I can walk downstairs without dropping my baby.
Is there something you’re avoiding at the moment? Consider how you could reintroduce it. In the stairs example, perhaps have your partner walk in front of you the first few times, then stand at the bottom and remove themselves completely. You don’t have to jump from total avoidance to doing it all by yourself, gradual increments will help you feel safe as you shift this.
5.Calm your nervous system
If you’re waking up feeling anxious or it’s something that creeps in through out the day, your nervous system probably needs a little help to learn what it’s ‘rest’ state feels like again. Some things you can do that, over time, will help this:
Deep belly breathing. Place one hand on your stomach, one on your chest. Breathe in through your nose for 8 counts, filling your belly first and then feeling your chest rise. Then let your breath go for 8 counts. Don’t force it, let it fall out. Take a natural pause and then repeat. Do this for at least 30 seconds.
Getting outside. I know it sounds simple and if you’re anything like me you probably feel this minimises what you’re experiencing but fresh air and nature are well evidenced for reducing stress and anxiety. It’s not about simply going for a stomp around the block though. Go for a walk or find a bench in a nice spot to sit on and mindfully breath in that fresh air, notice the wind in the leaves around you, listen to the birds in the trees (or feel the rain on your face if you have the weather that is happening while I type this!).
Ground yourself regularly throughout the day. You could do it on the hour, every hour, notice 3 things you can see, 3 things you can hear and 3 things you can feel.
6.Don’t overload yourself
I don’t want you to go away thinking ‘right, let’s do this’ and then flop because it’s too much all at once. Try just noticing your thoughts for a few days, and I mean being really conscious about that noticing. Then, once that feels a bit more natural, move on to the next thing. You can be kind to yourself in this way as you reduce postpartum anxiety, and being kind to yourself is just as important as anything else I have mentioned here.
Do you want more support to reduce postpartum anxiety?
Hi, I'm Claire.
I know all to well that becoming a mum isn’t easy and if you’re trying the strategies above and it’s not working or it just makes you feel overwhelmed, I can support you through it with therapy. Sometimes it’s more than just going through steps that we need. We need our experiences to be heard and validated, we need to feel supported and we need someone who gets it to be by our side.
If that sounds good to you, you can find our more about working together here:
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